huhu...
another update after 2 3 weeks apart..

assignment....
well can i say i progress well?? hehe
so far i really satisfied on my progress in design
and continuing to being ahead from my schedule.

relationship...
5 more days would be our 1 year anniversary
looking forward on it at the same time worried
paycheck haven't out makes my origin plan spoil big time
well thinking of alternative plan now
really hope that she will love the plans that i do for her

this recently
i realize that i being immature in some points.
is this the symptoms of being old day by day?
or the real inner part of me are showing off?
being too sensitive at all time, naive thoughts lurking around me
and not being generous enough for accept some facts that is totally unavoidable
is this my problems?

i really wanna know it why



sometimes i think that
i shall not being selfish

well ended up..
that's another way round

is it my problem of not sorting out with you
or you didn't even realize it that i really care?
sometimes i really wanna tell you some things bout you
but self assumptions tells me that you will counter-attack it back
and making my advices, wishes, hopes and dreams vanish with a word from you
and making myself pointless to voice it out to you
because it will be happening back
not now, in future
probably month later, week later, days even hours or minutes or seconds after that
being with me and the next minute busy with your things
toleration is the only thing i can give you now
i really clueless on what should i do now
giving you more private times means lesser time to meet each other
probably days, even weeks or months after that
only we can meet up once
i know that this doesn't work at all as will ruin our relationship
to a different levels, that is tendency to break up
committing time for you are the only way
matter now is you're not committing your times for me too
sorry to say that.. but yea...
whenever i voice that out, you will tend to say... please be understanding to your situations
then how about me then??
when you really making efforts
i already know that your efforts are fruitless
because you have a lists of 'to-do-list' in your mind
house works, assignments, wanna have your own private time without the presence of me


well
its already to the extend of
whatever shit i type at here and words that i say to you are literary...
pointless

at the same time..
i really love you
i willing to sacrifice my time just to be with you
and your reply is to have me to accompany you to do your works/assignments
i don't really mind as i can do my stuff along with you
but what i want from you are attentions from you!
im sacrificing my time for you
i really wanted that you do really block your time to just spend with me
the only way i cool down and distract to think bout this matter is by smoking and get myself being busy
and i know..
this 2 ways aren't going to work effectively
telling you would be pointless as it will back to normal soon
keeping the problems to myself you will think that i don't tell you anything on what's happening in my head
the only way to get my mind out of this matter
is to be with you, accompany by you and do stuffs that we both enjoy doing it
other than that, when my mood swing comes
i will evolve to some other feller already

i regret for following you to Genting today
as from what i see is you wanna have private times with your friends
not with me
and my presence seems being a burdens for you
as you need to care bout me and your friends



well dear
when you really sees this
i really don't know what is happening in between both of us already
well if you do read it tomorrow, or some other days
i just wanna tell you that
I LOVE YOU!
regardless of what you have done to me
your selfishness, ego, bad time management till you have to isolate me and being bold with your decision of you wanna have more time to do your own stuffs or whatever is in your mind at the moment when you read this
im really don't care it anymore then..

being with you even a while even a minute are already enough to make myself happy already
regardless of your decision in future regarding you need more time and etc
i will not object it and i will accept it with no obligations
i promise you!